My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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