I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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