I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
