I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
