He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
