I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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