I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
