I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
