Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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