We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
