he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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