dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
