Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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