it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
