New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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