how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
