So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
