the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
