Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
