i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
