Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
