if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
