There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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