Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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