it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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