If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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