Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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