my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Small penises have feelings too.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
