I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
