i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
