Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
smell my finger.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
