You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
