If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
