3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
