So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
