we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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