Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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