you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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