i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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