Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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