I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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