I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
