I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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