Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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