Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
