Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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