Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
