My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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