Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
