I think my fart just growled at me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
