the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
