Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
