So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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